Time goes by really fast, I will be in Toronto for 20 years of my life on Aug 19, looking back the time I spent between Hong Kong and Toronto, this 20 years really went by super fast. If you ask me how is the quality of time I spent between the 2 places, I would say the time in Hong Kong was horrible, Toronto wasn’t any better. The reason? Cuz I am still fucking stuck with my fucking parents!!!
After the BBQ incident a few weeks ago, a final decision was made, I have already given up on parents. I have fucking lived for this fucking long and at this point, I don’t really know what I had done to deserve this but stuck with this fucking pairs in my house. Right now, I am just doing what I want and don’t want to pretend no more. In the past, I was soo afraid of my relatives saying things like “you should be nice to your parents” or ” you should be doing whatever your parents want”, like I said, after the BBQ incident a few weeks ago, I will NOT be afraid of what people says because I really did what I could to please them, too bad the pretending for years in front of parents and relatives didn’t pay off or didn’t please them but for the people that knows me well, when I make a decision like this, I really do mean it and of course with the people that witness everything and supported me. This time, they really fucking pushed me off the ledge and I have given up on them 100% and I DO mean 100%. Read more about the post here
With the fucking bad mood I have, it reminds me of the fucking 20 yrs I am stuck here with my fucking parents, here is a list of the things that happened in the past years in Toronto just to remind myself.
– The day I left Hong Kong (1987)… At the airport, there were more than 30 students getting ready to leave their love ones with tears in their eyes, but me. I was the only one with a happy smile on the face and ran into the gate without looking back the relatives and friends (god knows why), unlike most of them that cried and cried…
– on my 18th birthday (1988), I was in Purto Rico at my uncle’s place, it was supposed to be a vacation with my parents, but at the end, we were never in the resorts but instead, got stuck in a shit hole with bars (my uncle’s place) and super hot weather with NO air conditioning. I asked and cried nights to my fucking parents hoping I could have my passport back so I could fly back to Toronto before my bday with friends and of course they said NO…
– on my 21st birthday (1991) Seattle is the place where my cousins are. I was there for fucking 21 days with horrible memories (don’t really want to mention the details). This is just to remind myself, Seattle was a bad memory for my 21st bday and it made me never want to go back there ever again in my life because of my fucking parents again…
– around the same time in Toronto (1991), mom slapped me on the face with her sandals because she saw a news reporter on tv then said she looked like a cat and I replied people think Asians look like bears and fucking bam!!! A sandal mark on my face for fucking 4 days…
– 1992-1995 it was the time when my parents flew back and forth between Hong Kong and Toronto. We argued soo much that I remember one time we argued for hours across sidewalks in China Town, also with little arguments almost every day about stupid things in between…
– 1996 was the year I started my third diploma of college, of course it wasn’t easy at all because after all those years of studying non stop, all of a sudden, my parents asked me to stop and blamed I was studying to much and wasted too much of their money studying… but it was them that didn’t want me to stop and forced me to keeping studying all those years…
– of course in 1999, I found a job that I loved and was pretty happy about it. That’s when my parent got their green card and asked me to organize the movers and everything for their stuffs (remember, THEIR stuffs) After a year of time for my parents in Seattle (with everything ready to move/go), they came back and asked for my passport so they can apply me the immigrant status to the States. But that was NEVER mentioned or anything during the year when they were in US. So I was like WHAT THE FUCK… Of course I said no, what could they do anyways, lol. I was always happy here, moving to Seattle with my relatives without even asking?!?! Yea, fuck you!!!
– they are the top of the world and I (and others) have to listen no matter what… so if they say yes, I can’t say no…
– treat people like shit (especially my friends) and have no fucking friends of their own (if they do, they are all assholes like them)
– fucking pissed off most of my friends by telling them not to come to my house no more…
– fucking released their anger for no reason like my dad lifting his bed frame and dropped it to make a scene just to scare people off at one time…
– not to mention, the first 17 years of my life in Hong Kong was 100x worse…
Of course there were more fucking little things that happened frequently (more like every other day) in between the incidents I mentioned above, not to mention I ended up pretending to be a good son just to shut the fucking mouths of my relatives so they don’t call me everyday one by one just to say “be nice to your parents, blah blah…” There were just too many and I don’t think I want to type myself a dairy as thick as a dictionary but you get the idea. This is my everyday life and I am fucking tired of it…
I did ask myself if there was any good memories with them at all, I tried and tried really hard, maybe my brain isn’t working right but all I remembered was bad bad BAD. Every scenes that came out from my mind was painful, horrific and total madness.
Oh well, I have had it, am fucking pissed and temperature is super high. Like I said, they are fucking retarded and selfish. I feel like I am suffering just hearing their voice, seeing them in sight or even visioning them in my mind… Why the fuck are they still alive?!?! Just Fucking DIE!!!!!! Like I fucking care at this point anyways…
Oh well, when I have more time, I will update this topic more 🙂
